Friday, February 03, 2012

Hibernating Hobbit Hole

So some of you must wonder why it seems I am pretty cool with being home a lot more than is normally considered "normal" for an extroverted hobbit mama like me.
Especially this pregnancy-I totally made the commitment that starting January 1st until this baby hobbit comes-I am laying low. Lower than normal, even.
Yeah-we can make the usual guesses as to why: so I can nest, rest, and enjoy this family of mine in a more relaxed manner.
But there is another reason: it's the "I-Word".
INSOMNIA.
Now-insomnia and I have become strange bedfellows these past 6 or 7 years. It comes and goes...sometimes I sleep great, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I get angry about it but usually I just don't worry about it much. I used to worry and freak out over the lack of sleep more (enter choosing to bedshare and cosleep because it was the right choice for our family and my sanity) ((see previous posts on sleep deprivation)) but have since come to terms with the fact that most people (yes, babies be people too!) don't sleep "bad"...they're just different sleepers.
I fluctuate in my sleeping patterns. Sometimes teas or other "hippie" stuff helps me, Jesus does...and sometimes I just lay awake all night.
Well anyhow-all of that to say that many of you may not know that about me. I am an intermittent insomniac wife and mother which means that I do crazy stuff like not go to play dates very often or "get out" a whole lot depending on when these fun bouts hit me.
Don't get me wrong here! I am smiling and laughing at this post because I just KNOW some one out there is reading this already thinking "oh my word poor thing! What can we do?" but the truth is: sometimes I need help, sometimes I need downtime (like I know this is the calm before the storm of birth, hormone-y rage, breastfeeding awesomeness all day and night and finding a new pattern to sew into this tapestry of my life as we welcome a new hobbit to our Shire) and most of the time that means laying low (and declining a lot of awesomeness) so that our family and I can survive and thrive right now.
Lack of sleep can make anyone fragile and prone to parenting crazies so I am trying to really just take a word from the wise, take a chill pill (aka non-caffeinated tea...right? Right?!) and relax as much as possible.
Does this mean I don't love you or value you? Absolutely not! I LOVE you all to bits! I love going out and exploring and letting my hobbits experience life beyond the Shire-but for now?
We will store up our rest and rejuvenation in quiet days, or days running about the house or yard yelling "FOR NARNIA! AND FOR ASLAN!!" and read mountains of books, build castle forts under the King's bed or watch Cinderella 3 times in a row.
Because we can.
Because there are always seasons.
Because sometimes doing "nothing" is underestimated.
So this sleep thing comes and goes. The ability to rest isn't always available, but I am going to cultivate it for what it is worth.
There will be seasons of exploring and changing and newness and vibrancy close on my horizons.
For now? We hibernate.
Spring is coming.

1 comment:

  1. I loved reading your story Kileah, you are very sensible, and wise to see the "big picture" and what is good for you and your family during this season of your life. We live is such a busy, "go for the gusto" type of culture, but simple is best, and if God decides to add a little zest to our day, with unexpected twists or turns, like somebody once said, you can choose to look at them as lemons, or make lemonade : ) and I love lemonade : )

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